“What books do you recommend we read in our premarital counseling?” That has been a question I have been getting a lot of recently. Whether it’s a Facebook message from a friend, an @rhetter comment on Twitter, or some email I receive from someone who came across my blog, it seems lots of people are […]

[image by the Welsh Poppy] In a marriage, changes abound. The couple may move houses. They may move states.  They might have a child, or two, or three, or more. The mom may work as a stay at home mom. Or maybe even the dad might take up that work (I did for a short […]

“Relationships are like a mirror. They show us who we are, how our behavior is perceived, and where we fit. We see a little of who we need to become, where our behavior is inappropriate, and how we must change to fit better in relationships, and this is especially true of the marital relationship. In […]

This last October 6-10, I participated in The Hideaway Experience: Marriage Intensives, which was one of the most amazing marriage experiences I have ever been a part of. I was invited by my friend Todd Sandel (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Executive Director of LifeGate Counseling Center), and by Steve and Rajan Trafton (owners […]

This last week my wife gave birth to our second child, a baby boy. The birth of a child is an amazing event, but I am hard pressed to find an event that better brings to focus one’s limitations in life, quickly eliminating many choices and options, but therefore bringing better clarity and focus to […]

Striving for a healthy, thriving marriage–and simply trying to avoid divorce are two very different goals for therapy. One is proactive and the other is reactive. I’ve noticed that the proactive group is often quicker to get professional help for their marriage than the latter group.  The reactive group often finds themselves in the counseling […]

It is more than likely that when you ask someone about intimacy, only 2-3 types of intimacy are discussed…3 is pushing it for many people. People talk about physical/sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, and I often hear about spiritual intimacy a lot as well. When intimacy is only focused on these 2-3 types it can be […]

I recently just finished a really great book by Ronald Rolheiser, The Restless Heart: Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness. In one section of the book Rolheiser writes about a conversation he had with a nun. In that conversation the nun said the following: “my vocation is, at each moment, to make the […]

I think we live in a culture that likes mystery, but we don’t want to go too long without that mystery being solved and unraveled so that it answers all of our questions. I can’t imagine too many viewers of LOST being satisfied after this last season if the mysteries aren’t made completely known to […]

One of the questions that comes up a lot in my work with parents of high school and college students is: “How do I help get my kid connected in a college ministry?” or “What are some ways that I can encourage my kid to get involved in a ministry when they are away at […]

[image by ky_olsen] One of the things that was sort of a wake up call for me when I got married were the number of times that I thought I was really listening to my wife, but she would retort with “you aren’t listening to me.” Inside, my pride was telling me that she didn’t […]

[image by Schantzilla] One of the things that I vividly remember from growing up was my father’s voice calling out encouragement from the sidelines of my athletic events. It didn’t matter if I was a good or bad player, or whether or not I even got in the game. My dad’s presence on the sidelines […]

[image by vicnknes] One of the things that I wish more couples did was seek out premarital counseling. It’s quite shocking to me that very few people go through any type of premarital counseling, therapy, classes, etc. leading into their marriage. We require training and exams for driver’s license’s, to get into school, but one […]

[image by Stewart] I came across this post the other day, 15 Ideas To Improve Love And Marriage During Tough Economic Times. The post is actually great advice for anytime, not just hard economic times. Tess Marshall says: 80% of the people who have lost jobs are men. We live in a society where men […]

The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle is a book that I read probably back in 1999, or 2000, after I was required to do a book report for one of my family counseling classes in seminary. This book was one of a handful of books recommended by my professor, and at the time […]