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I started my journey of blogging in 2003 — mostly to capture what I called “transitioning life’s journey”.
In 2023 I took a 3 year break from blogging, but have decided to return to it. I hope you enjoy.
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Marriage Counseling: Sometimes Men and Women Need to Laugh at Their Differences
I love working with couples in marriage counseling, pre-marital counseling, dating…it’s often a lot of fun. This video reminds me of how funny our differences as men and women can be. They are often very painful. But hopefully we can laugh at ourselves sometimes. Mark Gungor explains:
What Are You and Your Spouse Really Fighting About?
I’ve posted before that when couples fight, the argument is rarely about the issue. We think we are talking about money. Or sex. Or parenting. Or in-laws. But it rarely is about those things. Before long (usually within a few seconds) we are questioning whether or not we are valued or have worth. We are […]
How to Build a Thriving Therapy Practice: Office Space
One of the first things that people do when they walk into my therapy office is comment how nice it is. They talk about how relaxing it feels…often finishing their observations with a comment something along the lines of “it doesn’t even feel like I’m coming to counseling.” Which was exactly my intention from the […]
Healing Our Disconnection
“I want to think more about what connecting is and why I believe it is at the center of powerful relationships. If connecting is at the center of healing, then disconnecting must be at the core of what needs healing. In our therapeutic way of thinking, we’re more inclined to regard emotional forces, often unconscious, […]
The Importance of Breath Work in Dealing With Our Anxiety
One of the most important tools in helping anxiety is often one of the most underrated and underutilized. And that is breathing. And I think it’s often overlooked because we take breathing for granted. It’s something we do all day long without much thought. So the idea of having to practice breathing sounds crazy to […]
Ever Have Trouble Putting Your Phone Down to be Present With Others?
I think we can all can agree that technology is a huge influence in the shaping of our lives and relationships. That’s why I’m a huge believer in placing healthy boundaries around our technology. It’s something I have been writing about for about 6 years, especially after being heavily influenced by the work of my […]
Texting: The Future of Therapy?
Compared with finding a therapist in a big city, signing up for text-message therapy was a breeze. All I had to do was open an app on my phone, pick a username, and type my first message. Predictably, the first thing I wrote my new therapist was a question: “Hi. How does this work? Do […]
Two Words You Should Never Tell a Boy…..
“If you cry again I am going to take you back home!” That is what I told my almost 4 year old son on Wednesday night around 8:00pm. We were riding bikes and he was in that overtired state where he could hardly contain his emotions. He was crying. He was whining at his sister. […]
Don’t Wait for Your Job to Do Self-Care for You! It Starts With You
One of the core beliefs that I have as a therapist is that people have to address four areas of their lives: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. I talk about this with all my clients and in the talks I give. And I practice this in my own life. Do you address these four core […]
How to Build a Thriving Therapy Practice: Location, Location, Location
When I ran a survey a couple of weeks ago, most of the survey results from therapists and graduate students expressed their concern and desire about “how to find clients.” Almost no one expressed an interest in the location of building a practice or the office space itself. But one of the reasons that I […]
Terry Hargrave on Couple’s Therapy and Changing our Brain
Four years ago I was presented with an amazing opportunity that changed the way I thought about marriage (my own and the couples I work with), and how I work with couple’s in a therapeutic context. I went up to The Hideaway Experience in Amarillo, Texas to observe a 4-Day Marriage intensive. What I was […]
How Your Self-Reactivity Harms Relationships
“Somehow, even though we know that certain thoughts and behaviors are bad for us and are rooted in our own self-reactivity [negative patterns of coping], we return to those behaviors and usually find that these actions further assault our identities as human beings and our sense of closeness and safety in relationships. Old ideas die […]
A Nagging Spouse May Lead to an Early Death, But There is a Healthier Way to Change Your Marital Interaction
It’s not unusual that I hear men in therapy say to their wife in session, “Stop nagging me.” I even came across this study and news story this month — Study: Nagging By A Spouse Could Shorten Your Life — The study states: But now a new study suggests husbands of nagging wives can actually […]
Can You Stand on Your Own Two Feet in a Relationship?
I think David Schnarch’s work on marriage and the concept of differentiation in relationships is life transforming. The idea of differentiation is not his, nor is it new. But his work Passionate Marriage has transformed my life in many ways, and continues to transform many of the couples that I work with. As a Christian, […]
What Thinking Patterns Fuel Your Anxiety
“The average high school kid today has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient in the early 1950’s.” (Dr. Richard Leahy — quoted by Mick Ukleja in the article 7 Thinking Patterns That Contribute to Anxiety) Many of you know that I believe anxiety can be a great opportunity and catalyst for […]
Anxiety Reimagined: Could Anxiety Be a Friend in Your Life to Help You Grow?
“If God had not meant for me to be anxious, then He would have called me to some other vocation that didn’t require weekly preaching, an activity that was a constant reminder of my ongoing struggle with stuttering. What if, instead, God wanted me to be anxious? What is He was wanting me to lean […]
How to Build a Thriving Therapy Practice: Walking the Business and Vocation Tightrope
[This is my fourth post in a series about building a thriving therapy practice. Check out the earlier posts here, here and here]. I have always loved helping people. It is something that I feel passionate about. I heard early on that it was a “calling” of mine and many people encouraged me to pursue […]
Stuck in an Anxiety Rut
“Looking back at our families of origin and remembering these details can be a scary process for many people. Sometimes we are not quite sure what we will discover or remember, and that can leave us feeling anxious. That is normal. When we look back, and really try to sort through our relationships and experiences […]
How to Build a Thriving Therapy Practice: Give Yourself 5 Years
One of the things that my colleagues and I are constantly joking…and sometimes lamenting about — is that most graduate programs in therapy and counseling don’t teach you anything about the actual business application of what you have just spent the last 2-5 years studying and practicing. You learn a lot about therapy techniques, diagnosing […]
Welcoming the Uncertainty in Your Life That Anxiety Often Creates
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” (Scott Peck, The Road […]