BLOG
I started my journey of blogging in 2003 — mostly to capture what I called “transitioning life’s journey”.
In 2023 I took a 3 year break from blogging, but have decided to return to it. I hope you enjoy.
Explore by Topic
Search 20+ years of blog writing…
All writing is thought of, written and edited by me (a human), and sometimes AI is used in the research process.
Change vs. Transition: Why Most People Will Fail at Achieving Their 2011 Goals
Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. –William Bridges I can easily say that I learn as much from my clients in the course of a therapy session, then perhaps they often learn from me. At the end of each day when the last client has left the office, and […]
What Sincerity, Change, and Growth Looks Like in a Marital Relationship
“Relationships are like a mirror. They show us who we are, how our behavior is perceived, and where we fit. We see a little of who we need to become, where our behavior is inappropriate, and how we must change to fit better in relationships, and this is especially true of the marital relationship. In […]
The Hideaway Marriage Intensive: 4 Days, 4 Couples, 2 Therapists, and Transformed Marriages
This last October 6-10, I participated in The Hideaway Experience: Marriage Intensives, which was one of the most amazing marriage experiences I have ever been a part of. I was invited by my friend Todd Sandel (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Executive Director of LifeGate Counseling Center), and by Steve and Rajan Trafton (owners […]
Anxiety as a Tool for Growth
“Whoever has learned to be anxious in the right way has learned the ultimate.” —Søren Kierkegaard in The Concept of Anxiety Anxiety can be a very helpful tool in our lives. Unfortunately we have too often thought of anxiety as an indication of something wrong in us. Sometimes we equate it to a lack of […]
Eliminating Options and Accepting Limits Brings About True Freedom
This last week my wife gave birth to our second child, a baby boy. The birth of a child is an amazing event, but I am hard pressed to find an event that better brings to focus one’s limitations in life, quickly eliminating many choices and options, but therefore bringing better clarity and focus to […]
Warning Signs: When Couples Should Seek Professional Counseling Help
Striving for a healthy, thriving marriage–and simply trying to avoid divorce are two very different goals for therapy. One is proactive and the other is reactive. I’ve noticed that the proactive group is often quicker to get professional help for their marriage than the latter group. The reactive group often finds themselves in the counseling […]
How Many Types of Intimacy Do You and Your Partner Share?
It is more than likely that when you ask someone about intimacy, only 2-3 types of intimacy are discussed…3 is pushing it for many people. People talk about physical/sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, and I often hear about spiritual intimacy a lot as well. When intimacy is only focused on these 2-3 types it can be […]
What If? The Scariest and Most Crucial Question in a Relationship
I feel like I do some of my best thinking and reflecting while out on a run. And while I was running yesterday a few stanzas from the Coldplay song, What If? really stuck out to me… What if you should decide That you don’t want me there by your side That you don’t want […]
Are We Fooling Ourselves To Think Intimacy Can Be Created Online Through Social Media?
[image by Jesse Millan] In the last year I have blogged on the topics of ambient intimacy/ambient awareness, as well as some of the discussion involving the use of technology in fostering intimacy. I was a big fan of this topic, and a believer in the use of technology in fostering intimacy. Especially how the […]
Holy Vocation: Encountering the Other in Front of You
I recently just finished a really great book by Ronald Rolheiser, The Restless Heart: Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness. In one section of the book Rolheiser writes about a conversation he had with a nun. In that conversation the nun said the following: “my vocation is, at each moment, to make the […]
Technology: Connected, Yet Lonelier Than Ever
[image by Bidrohi Hirok] Technological Paradox One of the glaring paradoxes in my use of technology/social media, is that it has both the ability to make me feel connected and intimate with others, while at the same time feeling isolated, alienated and lonely. I think that is why you have seen me struggle with my […]
Are You Doing Enough to Educate Adolescents on Technology and Pornography?
“There is a Tsunami coming. We are a hundred years from understanding what we are dealing with regarding the influence and impact of cybersex on mankind.” Those are the words of Dr. Patrick Carnes, one of the foremost experts on addiction and recovery issues, especially when it comes to pornography and the influence of technology […]
Limits On Our Knowledge of the Other Person
I think we live in a culture that likes mystery, but we don’t want to go too long without that mystery being solved and unraveled so that it answers all of our questions. I can’t imagine too many viewers of LOST being satisfied after this last season if the mysteries aren’t made completely known to […]
The Necessity of Ascent and Descent in the Male Spiritual Life (Pay Attention Spiritual Leaders!)
[image by iwona kellie] I’ve recently been reading a really phenomenal book by Richard Rohr and Joseph Martos, The Wild Man’s Journey: Reflections on Male Spirituality. One of the things that I have continually be thinking about is the distinction the authors make between ascent (which is common in the early stages of a man’s […]
Helping Your College Student Get Spiritually Connected on Campus
One of the questions that comes up a lot in my work with parents of high school and college students is: “How do I help get my kid connected in a college ministry?” or “What are some ways that I can encourage my kid to get involved in a ministry when they are away at […]
Two Relational Caveats on the Use of Technology in Creating Intimacy
I wanted to share this Ted talk with you (HT: Marc Payan), How the Internet enables intimacy by Stefana Broadbent. The description of her talk is: We worry that IM, texting, Facebook are spoiling human intimacy, but Stefana Broadbent’s research shows how communication tech is capable of cultivating deeper relationships, bringing love across barriers like […]
Are You Truly Listening to Your Spouse
[image by ky_olsen] One of the things that was sort of a wake up call for me when I got married were the number of times that I thought I was really listening to my wife, but she would retort with “you aren’t listening to me.” Inside, my pride was telling me that she didn’t […]
Reminder to Parents: Presence=LOVE
[image by Schantzilla] One of the things that I vividly remember from growing up was my father’s voice calling out encouragement from the sidelines of my athletic events. It didn’t matter if I was a good or bad player, or whether or not I even got in the game. My dad’s presence on the sidelines […]
Kierkegaard and Anxiety
“But attempts to evade anxiety are not only doomed to failure. In running from anxiety you lose your most precious opportunities for the emergence of yourself, and for your education as a human being. ‘If a man were a beast or an angel, he would not be able to be in anxiety. Since he is […]
Premarital Counseling: Before You Say I Do
[image by vicnknes] One of the things that I wish more couples did was seek out premarital counseling. It’s quite shocking to me that very few people go through any type of premarital counseling, therapy, classes, etc. leading into their marriage. We require training and exams for driver’s license’s, to get into school, but one […]